Seems like a lifetime

Since my last post on here, so many changes have occured in my life, whether they were intentional or unintentional and I can honestly look back at my life and say it was all for the better, even though there are times I feel a little doubtful. The good overwhelms the bad though. lol.

There's not much new to post on here other than life goes on even if you don't update the blog-0-sphere. In the short span of about 4 months, I've celebrated a big birthday (21), gone from employment to no employment to new employment, learned to forgive those who've hurt me in the past, far and recently, and re-discovering who I am as an individual person. That's not to say I like being single in every way shape or form, but its for the better and its not a bad thing. For one thing, its made me alot closer to my spirituality since I no longer have that temptation to be 'physiical' in a relationship. I feel much more 'clean' although thats not a word I would use to describe it but its the best one I could think of. I don'thave the drama of a relationship to hold me down anymore and make me doubt what my dedication to my life, to the future, to my potential, and my faith. I'm not a overly zealous religous person per se, but there is something about talking to God and taking a step back and fully taking in the splendor and horror of nature and mankind that truly makes you believe more and more in a divine being. I am a very scientific person but you cannot explain everything with science and honestly, I believe religion and science are very closely connected. When we discover how things work, down to its most basic functions, were are essencially seeing how God or whomever, created the world and life itself. God did create a plant and craft its biological functions such as photosynthesis because thats how the plant would thrive and grow. Such as I believe that humans have evolved over millenia but without that special intervention or touch that (god) could only do, who is to say that humans would be how they are now? There are many parts of evolution that don't satisfy how the heck modern humans came around to be, even alongside neanderthals. Where did they come from? Simple variation and mutations and evolution cannot explain the timing of the arrival of humans on the evolutionary chain when in fact, the main primate was a creature with a much more primitive brain and so much more closely related to the ape or monkey.
So yeah, I like science.....WAY too much (lol) and history but I do have a faith and believe in that as well.
This is just some of the stuff that the last couple of months have allowed me to discover without the interference of a guy and the crap that goes with one.
I still love guys tho haha. That would never change, alas, I am still young.

In other news (if you're still reading it up to this point, I applaud you. lol) I've also felt the unfortunate side of losing some people in my life. Not because of death or whatever! good lord, no. lol. I'm just simply talking about not hanging out with certian people and being stuck at home for a good part of my time due to no job and no chance to go out and be social with new people. I'm also so much more careful about how I choose my friends now and honestly, there are so many shady people out there in the world (and i mean SERIOUSLY SHADY) its hard to know who you're entrusting your vulnerability and confidence to. Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes you don't It's unavoidable but it doesnt have to be negative. :). I'll admit, I've always had a hard time being social and meeting people but when I make a friend, I will be the best friend I can possibily be. I do not let go easily of friendships. It is not something so easily thrown into the wind at a moment's notice. I get it and I work hard to maintain it. And yes, in the past I've done some crappy things but all in all, I will stick by you. It is so easy to get caught up in a group mentality (even with just one other person besides you) and forget that your actions will have severe consequences and you will pay a price for it. I've done so and been on the very bad recieving end of it as well. From quite a few close people and while I will get mad at them or you for doing something that hurt me, whether you meant to or not, I always forgive you and sometimes I will let it go for the sake of a friendship because there is no point in being mad or bitter at someone forever because that is not a good chararistic of a person and a christian and it will eat you away inside. That doesnt mean you forget what they do. You just take the experience and use it to make yourself more wary more cautious and most of all, more wise about people and yourself. No one is 100% blame free.

So thats the end of my monologue (lol) and now I'm just looking forward for what life and this summer has in store for me. I am looking forward to my new job and to visiting family in Pennsylvania, going to the Beach next month and working on myself and my emotional and physical health as well. This summer is not going to be about romance, and if it is, it'll be spiritual romance and healthy companionship. Friends, not fucks. ;) LOL.

I am honestly going to stepping into new territority this summer and I owe it all to you, for better or worse. (you know who you are)

Peace out.